In Hindsight Paul...

I'm guessing right about now, Paul Depodesta is sitting at home, taking stock of things and wondering where things went wrong. Well FTM is here to give PDP some post-mortem pointers.

-Next time you go to Italy, take Lasorda with you

Weddings are enough of a pain in the ass without having to worry if it's going to cost you your job. And they're an even bigger pain in the ass when you have to go to another country to attend one. Was your sister too good for Sherman Oaks? When you popped open that invite, the first thing you should have thought when you saw it was being held in Italy was, "I'll take Tommy with me." This would have served a dual purpose. First, you know the old adage of keep your friends close but your enemies closer? Secondly, the old man would have thought you gave a crap about him and he wouldn't have been so quick to plunge that knife in your back. Plus, I'm sure your drinks would have been comped wherever you went. The toughest part would have been explaining to the wife why you had to spend 12 hours on a plane with Tommy. That's grounds for divorce in 47 of 50 states.

-When Frank asks you to go golfing, go for chrissakes

Let's face it: Frank didn't have many buddies. Ever since he came into town, he was treated like the weird new kid in class. It was great to borrow CDs and video games from him, but you drew the line at giving him your phone number or letting him hang out with you and your buddies at the football game. Frank wanted friends and you were expected to be one of them. He called Plaschke, he called Simers, he held conference calls with fans...none of them would go play with Frank. So he figured he'd call on the guy who was on his payroll and would HAVE to go play with him. Some nerve you had passing, choosing instead to run simulations continuously to see if there was even a remote possibility that playing Edwards and Phillips over Choi and Perez would have somehow worked out. If only you had visited the Fourth Outfielder instead, you might still have your job.

-Tell Jamie she smells nice

Even if she smells like the ass end of a dolphin, always compliment the wife of the boss. Especially when that wife is one of your bosses as well. She wasn't going to go Mrs. Robinson on you (that's what Yhency Brazoban was for), she was just fishing for compliments.

-Keep one useless veteran around

Marquis Grissom and Jason Grabowski. What was the difference? One didn't get a hit after July and the other was Grissom, who at least had the excuse that he was released. But Grissom was "grissled" and would have fit the mandatory veteranleadershipchemistry spot on your roster and it would have got some people off your ass, albeit temporarily. But it might have given you the breathing room you needed to sign Roberto Petagine.

-Leave your office

Workaholics are so yesterday. What's in is everyone feeling good about themselves. Screw preparing for the Rule V draft, Colby is lighting his farts down in the clubhouse! Why pour over the stats from Columbus when you could be pouring margaritas with Chip and Scott over in the PR department?

-Make sure your boss knows that you're spending his money on

When you asked Frank if it was OK to give Drew 55 million, he thought you were talking about his son, not JD. Money isn't supposed to leave the McCourt family. Big mistake.

-Ditch the computer and go with binders and carbon paper

Then what will Plaschke say about you???

Just a few hopeful hints to help PDP land on his feet, which is most likely going to be with a NL West team to ensure LA gets screwed for the next decade to come.